Tuesday, December 21, 2010

“I’m a Single Cell on a Serpant’s Tongue”

December 08, 2010 Wednesday

I’m always amazed at how music takes command of my emotions. I know I’ve said this before – but I don’t think I’ll ever get over this amazement. Different bands trigger different friends, shows, relationships, failures, and successes, all things connected to me. I even feel things I don’t want to. Frustrations. Annoyances. Fights with loved ones. Sadness. But the joy I get from remembering overrules those distractions.

At a moment I was disappointed at the actions and decisions of past friends, was in the middle of a fight with an ex, was too numb to say my true feelings to the one I was with, contemplately what failure really means – but then I was driving to a concert, flirting with my best friend, cooking dinner with my lady love, hula hooping outside, running at night with my co-workers, driving with my sisters, listening to records with my mom, washing the car with my dad. I was in Huffman, Dallas, Austin, Midland, Wichita Falls, San Marcos, and Houston.

Music holds me together and rips me apart. Music means so much to me. I really don’t know where I’d be without it. But some music needs new memories – I am caught thinking of people I don’t want to think about due to music I shared with them, moments in time when they were important but now are the very last thing I’d want to think about. I know sometimes these memories are good – but right now I wish I had different ones playing in my head. I guess I’ll just have to make new ones when I get back to the States.

“You’re the yellow bird I’ve been waiting for”

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