Nouriture est tres bon!

06 Juillet 2010

Apparently eating food is a good idea. I woke up exhausted and cranky. I think I've had a fever all day and have been really weak. Everyone has eaten and have either yacked or had diarrhea due to the food - but feel find aside from that...

So... Conclusion: I need to eat. I had a chicken club and a coca for lunch. Maybe I'll go out with everyone tonight for dinner instead of laying in bed wondering what I'm doing here. :\

Demyst is coming up - we are going in our small groups again - and I'm sick of being stuck with the same 3 girls for every activity. I can't wait to be with our host family because then I'll be with an advanced speaker. Yay! I mean - it's nothing against the three girls - I just want to expand my circle of friends and who I hang out with. Other people feel that way too - so I don't feel like a total snob. I think.

Hic-ups...

can you please go away.

thanks.

What a Blur

This has been quite a journey. From the first thought of applying for the Peace Corps, to the process of applying, the stress of gaining much needed experience, to the anxious feeling of having to wait, the unbelievable feeling of relief when all was done, and all I had to do was wait, the overwhelming excitement after being accepted & invited, to the realization that I'll be leaving in less than a week. What a journey.

It's funny, but when I'm home packing for my two year rendevouz, I'm not anxious, nor am I worried about leaving. It almost feels like I'm not leaving. & Hopefully my body isn't trying to trick me into thinking I'll just be gone for a little while. These days, months, years have all passed so quickly. It's been a very detailed blur. I have gone in and out of stress - in and out of the excitement, the terror, the anxiety, the joy, and most of all the sadness. I am fully out of that. I am not fearful, I am not sad, I am not anxious. I am excited - in a much milder tone. I am calm. I like it this way. I don't feel like it's forced. I feel as if this is how I should be. I know there will be times when I will write in my journal, or say to myself: what have I gotten myself into...but I know what I've bargained for, and this is exactly what I want (at least this is what I think).

I can't wait to meet all the other PCTs who are going to be in Philadelphia on the 21st. I'm excited to learn where they are from, and how they decided on what they are about to embark on. I'm excited to meet the community in which I'll be living. I'm overwhelmed with excitement and nervousness about the language barrier - but I truly believe my French will pick right back up again - and I'll be able to learn both French and the local language quickly. Ha. I BETTER. I will live, breathe, speak, eat & sleep those languages. Hopefully I'll even post some entries in either the local language or French (I'm actually really excited about that).

Well - it truly has been a blur of friends, relationships, family, locations, education & life experiences. I'm so privileged to have been with such good company, and so many positively influential people in the past three years: these people, and things I have learned have molded me into the person I am right now - regardless of whether the change was minute or drastic. I am so thankful for all the support I have. I just wanted to say thank you.

I am a prisoner of Stress

Stress has taken a hold of me, and my body has finally submitted to its power.

I can't describe how I feel these days. It's a mix of anxiety, excitement and an overwhelming feeling of what ifs. I am trying to keep myself calm, but in the midst of preparing to depart, exchanging addresses, saying "until next time" to friends, flying/driving to see family, and then everything needed to finalize here in Austin - it's all becoming a blur.

And with this blur comes sickness. I am weak. I am not hungry. I am fatigued - both mentally and physically. I am congested. I cannot breath. I have body-aches. I have headaches. I am not well.

But I know this will be better. I also know that I'll have many bouts of this while I'm in Africa. This is just the beginning. This is why I'm trying to stay off meds that we take advantage of here in the States. I am trying to naturally get rid of my headaches and body-aches. I am also just taking it easy this weekend. I know that rest is essential, and the past week has not been very accommodating to that aspect of my life which is greatly needed.

I am already missing my friends and family.

Au Reviour

My best friend Ashley, graduated from Texas State University this morning with a Bachelors of Art: History major with a minor in philosophy. Her immediate family and most of her extended family traveled to San Marcos to watch the ceremony and then celebrate in San Antonio. Elyse, another one of my good friends, is graduating tomorrow morning from the same University with a Bachelors of Science: Business Major (I think). Chris is leaving Saturday to travel to his home state, Washington, and then off to China for a summer internship. Beak is moving to either Waco or Austin after the summer has come and gone. And my mom and dad will really, truly, have their nest to themselves...with all three pigeons moved out, and are spread across the world - this made me think of how everyone is coming to the end of yet another milestone in their life - turning pages and beginning new chapters in this ever-revolving novel.

I'm getting quite anxious about seeing everyone who is dear to me and holds a special place in my heart or soul... people who have impacted my life in a positive way, those who have stuck by me through thick and thin, and those whom I've known only for a short period... I'm nervous that I won't get to see everyone - not that I have a long list, it's more that I want to see my old friends, new friends and my best friends: this can get tricky when they're all over Texas and beyond.

Yet - it breaks my heart that some of these people don't acknowledge the importance they hold. Some of these people don't understand that they are positive influences, and have helped greatly to grow and to learn things both about myself and those around me. These people don't know that I may not see them again - so this is why it's so important for me to see them once more before our lives shift and change beyond knowing who each of us are anymore.

I hope, oh I hope, this comes through to some of you - I want you to know I care for you and am deeply committed to the friendship we have: through the good times, the boring times, the times where we may think we hate each other, and those times when we are inseparable. I love you all so much.