01 August 2010
Today was very frustrating. Frustrating is the perfect word. I was not sad. I was not mad. I was not overwhelmed.
I
was
frustrated
Here we go: I woke up around 7:30 because my bladder was literally about to explode! So I wake up, get up and contemplate going back to sleep - but then I think about working out ... neither happened. Instead: I washed up, got dressed and ate some breakfast: oatmeal, powdered milk and sucre cubes + hot water. Just like home, eh? After all that, around 9:30, I wanted to go walk around before Martine woke up and before we went to go to the grand marche. So, let's start with the fact that we should always be with another person when we go out: "the buddy system" - but the small marche is just down the dirt road and I figure I would be fine if I walk down to the small marche and buy some tomatoes, cucumbers and bissapp for lunch. So I tell my mother "je vais aller au petit marche acheter des tomates, cocumbres, et bissapp." && She did not want to let me go! I tried to explain that I'd only be gone, tops, 30 minutes. She was still adement about not letting me go alone and kept asking me to wait for Martine - or wake her up. She continued to mention the fact that I didn't speak good French nor understand Moore.
At this point I'm so upset! I can't put into words what I was feeling - at least not in French...so I couldn't explain that I was very capable of going to the marche and bargaining prices down and understanding what was being said to me. At this point in the conversation the daughter and son were both commenting on how Demi (the daughter) or Martine should accompany me to the marche. I give up and go inside and shed some tears because I'm so fed up with not being able to express myself. I'm unable to be independent - yet, I feel like I would be fine if I were on my own! But I can't be here due to my host family being too protective and not understanding that I need to learn somehow - and I learn best by DOING.
Martine wakes up maybe 10 minutes later and goes outside to use the latrine and our mother starts talking to her - and I hear my name and the conversation went into how I wanted to go to the marche by myself. I go outside because my mom said I don't understand French or Moore...
BUT I DO!! I UNDERSTAND
I COMPREHEND THE FRENCH LANGUAGE MORE THAN PEOPLE THINK OR GIVE ME CREDIT FOR!!
SO
SO
SO
FRUSTRATING.
So I go out and in English I tell Martine that I'm completely frustrated and I don't want to be treated like a 12 year old. I want to be able to stumble and fall on my words and feel embarrassed because I can't understand - that's good for me. And I end up shedding more tears and notice my mother is crying too. Good god! I felt so bad!! I didn't want her to cry! I wasn't mad at her - I was just frustrated that I was being treated like a child. I don't want someone to speak for me - I don't want to rely on someone else's voice-box. I don't want to just expect things to be translated for me.
F R U S T R A T I N G
Anyway - we all apologized and we went to the grand marche. Bought food for dinner and went to the cyber! Got to talk to Ma & Pa!
Mom is so flippin' cute & dad is hilarious! I miss them and was so happy to see them both. They were both amazed by Skype. I'll admit - it's really neat-o-fa-heat-o. I saw my baby girl Mango too!!
Anyway - time for bed.
I'm less frustrated.
Still waiting on my period.
Period, oh period - where out thou?
Can you please show your pretty red face?
kthanxbai.
