Jitterbug Perfume

"The highest function of love is that it makes the loved one a unique & irreplaceable being"

"The word desire suggests that there is something we do not have. If we have everything already, then there can be no desire, for there is nothing left to want. I think what the Buddha may have been trying to tell us is that we have it all, each of us, all the time; therefore, desire is unnecessary. To eliminate the agitation and disappointment of desire, we need but awaken to the fact that we have everything we want and need right now."

"Erleichda"

"Bones are patient. Bones never tire nor do they run away. Water is like flesh. Water will not stand still. It is always off to somewhere else; restless, talkative and curious... Flesh is water. Stones are like bones. Satisfied. Patient. Dependable. Tell me then, Alobar, in order to acheive immortality, should you emulate water or stone? Should you trust your flesh or your bones?

'Water babbles to stone, but stone will not answer,' responded Alobar"

- Tom Robbins

Nor•mal |nôrmel| adjective

February 08, 2011: Tuesday

The novelty of being away from those I thought I needed is wearing - save, I still, and will always need them. Being here is both making my heart grow fonder - but it is also making it more callused. I feel tugged, and I feel the need to push away - no, rather, let go of the rope that once held me down in a place where my roots took grounding. Letting go and letting my clipped wings repair the cuts they've been so accustomed to endure as a way of life - but now is my time. Now is the time for me to allow air to be rushed under and for sights to be engulfed by these cameras I call my eyes.

Though, it seems to difficult to capture what I now find so normal... my life here has it's moments of newness - but in actuality - not having my car, but rather a bike; dirt paths, not paved roadways; donkeys as a mode for shipping things, not trucks; and then children wandering, mothers carrying basins of water on their heads with a baby strapped to their back, men knocking down walls with a small device called a dabah (always barefoot), women pounding grains (all day), people of all ages taking a squat anywhere they please... it's an endless list of things that were so new to me, but now are just normal life. It is not new. It is not strange. It is my life and I don't know how to convey these things to my audience back home and "be excited" about it.

My flight here has plummeted to a steady plateau that may not interest me in recording the basics. I sleep in a tent. I eat rice or maccarroni or tô ALL the time. I drink "watered down" beers more than I should. I speak at least 3 languages daily. I read, cook, write by lantern or headlamp. I do not have a toilet. I bathe out of a bucket. I do not have a grocery store anywhere near where I live. I shop from men and women who sit on the ground under big trees. I do not have running water. I do not have electricity. My feet are callused. My knees and above must ALWAYS be covered when in public. My arms are darker than the rest of my body. I do not have internet in the vicinity of at least 50km from my house. I ride my bike to get vegetables 27km away every 3 to 6 days (one way). I love waking up to hear my neighbors working. I am confused the majority of the day. My conversations usually involve a lot of questions about family, work, house and then confused looks of "I don't understand." I have to bike to a manual pump to fetch my water.

Normal. What is normal when one's world is so diverse?

I want to experience every kind of normal that exists.

I want to experience the world as it is.

I want to soar & fly & dip & crash.

I want to recover.

Mud Fish Treasures

02 February 2011

Today confirmed that I’m glad to be back at site. Got up late (I’ve been running on low battery for far too long) and decided to do some sit-ups, lunges, push-ups and leg lifts before my bucket bath. It was wonderful to be physical again. Then I made a promise to myself that I would start learning Nuuni today! Little by little, but it’s time to start. So I get dressed and go out to causer with my neighbors – no one’s really around so I go to my second favorite family compound and just sit down. One lady is pounding rice: N zuah menah yah buhaa. So I just start asking questions.

• Menah = rice
• N zuah = to pound
• Yah buhaa = c’est prêt, it’s ready
• Na genah = to take
• Neeah = water
• Djnahn = tomorrow
• Yea = market

I understood most of the translations but I’m sure there are some mix ups. I want to impress other volunteers with my local language like Halley, Hilary and Erika impress me! Next – I tried to go get water for my neighbors and bring it back. A little girl was sent out there – and for some reason she was so upset to go! So I joined her. Well, I learned a little more at the pump, I think that will be a good spot for learning the language. My friend Saphia cam over and was stunned that I was about to take the water in a large basin on my head to my neighboring family. Well, I guess it was smart of her to feel that way. They put this huge basin on my head and I immediately regret my decision. Ha. I was so wobbly. I had no idea it would be that heavy. All I could do was laugh and attempt to walk and as a result: water was slushing and falling all over me. Everyone was laughing. I was soaked by the time the teenager girl came to get it from me. Whoops. I want to try it again – but I think it would be a good idea to start with a smaller bowl.

After that extravaganza I went to the CSPS and met the new nurse: NEYA Lassionne. I got bored quickly and wanted to go find Agathe to learn more language and double check what I had written down. She was sleeping, so I headed to the marché to see if I could grab something to eat (maybe rice or something small from the boutique) but instead was distracted and followed my neighbor to, well, I had no idea where she was going. I normally see her at the marché selling gallets, but because she was on the move with a basket on her head… I decided to see what she was up to. I just greeted her and her friend and off we went walking into the woods. Great. Where’s my camera?! Oh yeah… Ouaga. Does me a lot of good now. We took a break in a clearing and I saw my entire family compound there (sans the men and some children). Everyone had woven baskets with two holds, one big and one small on either end – looking like a funnel. I had no idea what we were going to do. A large group of women came from the direction of the village and then we started walking again… Hmmm… Alisonne showed up and said we were going fishing. What? But there’s no body of water anywhere around here… at least not this way – we’d have to go by Taré. Oh well – I guess I’ll see when we get there. And that’s exactly what happened – we get there and there was a dried up “lake” with muddy puddles of water. What kind of fish would be living here? I don’t know… But the women all start singing and then they charge the water! Baskets, skirts, mud flying everywhere – they are in there and they want them some FISH! There must be 50 or so women all armed with their baskets and they are slamming them down into the water, putting their arms into the baskets to see if they’ve caught a fish. Once they get one, they either put their treasure of mud fish into a sac on their side, or, as I found out rather quickly, they throw their fish to the children on the “shore”… I was almost kamakazied by a fish… Man. What a sight. I do hope I can capture this with my camera before I leave. So amazing.

Clipped Wings, No More

Tuesday: February 01, 2011

I'm finally back at site after 2 weeks and one day. Wow. IST (In-Service Training) was:

Busy. Exhausting. Frustrating. Fun. Confusing. Crazy. Okay

I'm quite surprised as to how happy I am to be back at site. I didn't think I'd be happy here because I've been away for so long and have been spoiled by 1st world luxouries/conveniences once again... but I came home and I was greeted with smiles and everyone seems really glad I'm back - & no one asked me for anything!! Big perk! I'll see until tomorrow is that stays true.

So. IST. What happened? Well - we learned about gardening, care groups and the HEARTH model (malnutrition formation). We wasted time on pointless lessons: med sessions, security/safety, new project plan. We danced, drank and danced some more. I've found that I don't want my wings clipped just yet. I don't want to settle. I don't want to predict the future. So I have to let go of Americaland for now. I told my mom, Adam and Ashley that I can't deal with so much contact from home anymore - if I want to talk then I will, but I want to make more friends here in Burkina Faso - I want so much... I want to integrate and not live in two places at once. I want these next two years (year and a half) to go quickly and I can't have half of me in America or Texas.

I think they took it pretty hard.

Bike. Capture. Bath

Friday: 14 janvier 2011

Got some discouraging news today from my neighbors - they warned me not to bike or go running alone because a woman was "trappait" (I actually don't know what word they were using in French, but it sounded like that), or captured by force! I asked them if it was during the day and they said yes. uh oh. They told me to tell the Major when I'm going to Sapouy and have someone (a man, preferably) come with me. Tomorrow I'll ask the Major and Agathe if they have heard anything regarding a woman being taken by force on the way to Taré or another village close by. Gosh - that's not what I ever wanted to hear - especially during the daytime!! I wonder if they are maybe just hearing information and misinterpreting it? I don't really want to risk it though - I mean, I THINK I could fight off someone - but these men are all muscle... So I'm pretty sure I would lose.

On the brighter side of things - I finished my 5th PACA today: The Peuhl men and found a man who speaks both French and Feuhlfeuhldé! YAY. These were only 21 men and this one proves that men truly will be more difficult to get to come to a meeting/reunion/sensibilization or activity. Tomorrow is the CoGes meeting and Sunday I'll speak with the Grounnsi men. I might leave that evening (late afternoon, with the sun still shining brightly) to Sapouy so I can leave for Ouaga early Monday instead of leaving late afternoon for the city.

Side note: I gave Colonel Mustard his first bath today. He didn't like it one bit. BUT he was so pretty afterwards! At least, that is, once he dried. :]

How the Dead Dream

"

Part of the growing estrangement from family, in the end, was a simple product of freedom. It was the American way to pick and choose from a range of possibilities, not to be bound and obligated. Cut loose from a certain idea of duty, it turned out, individuals did no great deeds but only

d r i f t e d

a p a r t

"

- Lydia Millet

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!

Wednesday: 12 Janvier 2011

Happy birthday to you - Happy birthday to you - Happy birthday dear Daddy! Happy birthday to you!! And many MORE! Soon enough you'll retire and spend your days relaxing by a pool, on a boat, at the sea, in the mountains, fixing your car, taking a stroll in the park, golfing again... ahh... So CLOSE!

So, I was just thinking about my future possibilities at school... maybe I'll just go ahead and get a 2nd and possibly 3rd degree. It's possible for me to go back to school: another go... and get a degree in Biology/Chemistry (Pre-Med) and while I'm at it I should just get one in Communication Design (Comm Des - for advertising). I mean, I'll be spending 2 years "updating" myself on everything Pre-Med, so why not just go the whole way and start over & while I'm at it - double major? I could freelance while I'm at school. Just an idea. But damn it - I've got a degree in Advertising and a minor in photography - I might as well put them to use while I still can. And I might as well enhance my skills.

Next step: finding a reputable University that can look good from both ends of the spectrum. Then you ask - what good is spending money on a 3rd degree? Well, because I want to & I want to have a "back-up" if Med School falls through.

This sets me back 2 or possibly 3 years... 24 when I return to the States. 28-29 when I get my other degrees and then med school is 2 years plus residency which could be anything from 3 to 6 years. So I'll be 31 when I get my doctorate and anywhere between 34 and 37 when I (start) practicing medicine. That seems so damn old! What about marriage? Kids? I wanted to be married by 26 or 27 and start popping out babies by 28. I want 3-4 kids and I have the genetics for the possibility of twins... okay, 2: BAM! and then 2 more to go. Gotta have a year or so between them. 28 = 2, 30 = 3 and 31 =4. AND I'll be going to school at the same time? Goodness. I don't know if I want that. I don't know if I want to sacrifice my career or future for that mathematical mess of kids. But maybe I'll want them more than that damn white coat. It's hard to say and at the fresh age of 22, I don't really know what I'll want when I get home. But if you don't plan, if you don't look to the future then it's really just going to pass you by without any of your own input.

2012 (Aug) - COS (close of service)... School starts in August. Maybe I can COS in July (early July) so I can travel to Japan beforehand?

2016... bust my ass to get 2 degrees

2017... @ 29 start med school

2019... @ 31 finish med school

2022 - 2025... @ 34 - 37 practice medicine.