Where is my Foundation?

21 Octobre 2010

Sometimes I wonder what I'll really do for the rest of my life. Will I really be a doctor? Or will I give up my dream career and my aspirations to be a damn good mother? Or will I end up being a photographer? Will I end up working a 9-5 so I can come home and fix dinner by 7:30pm? Will I travel the world, unmarried to a man, but rather married to my career? Like Dr. Farmer, who's married - but more so to his never ending list of patients. I really don't know. It all sounds so far away, but I know and feel as if it's right around the corner. Will I stay close to my family? Will my Beak and Vagabond be with me through my journey?

This is what I love about the future: you don't know. You can plan and plan until you can't and when the everchanging mistriss of time rolls around and shows you how she sees things - it will, more than likely, be entirely different than what you had in mind. I love it - and I hate it. All at the same time. I am so curious to know how it will pan out, but I am also very much worried that my planning is simply - to be frank - a waste of time and whatever happens is beyond what I can plan and has been laid out in the hands of karma, a higher being, what have you. Maybe my former self has already made my future his or her past and the present is merely a tape player rewinding itself. I guess, I suppose, I should be patient. That's one characteristic I need to work on: Patience. I am too American for that virtue. I must rid my roots and cling to a calm mind.

I feel like a "nestless bird"

- Ti Jean of Haiti

- Mountains Beyond Mountains

This Must Be The Place :Naïve Melody:

Home, it's where I want to be

Pick me up and turn me 'round

I feel numb. Born with a weak heart

Guess I must be having fun

The less we say about it the better

make it up as we go along

Feet on the ground

Head in the sky

It's okay: I know nothing's wrong...

nothing

Higher: I've got plenty of time

Higher: you got light in your eyes

And you're standing here beside me

I love the passing of time

Never for money

Always for love

Cover up and say goodnight...

say goodnight

Home: it's where I want to be

But I guess I'm already there

I come home: she lifted up her wings

Guess that this must be the place

I can't tell one from another:

Did I find you, or you find me?

There was a time before we were born

If someone asks, this is where I'll be

where I'll be

Higher: we drift in and out

Higher: sing into my mouth

Out of all those kinds of people

You got a face with a view

I'm just an animal looking for a home

Share the same space for a minute or two

And you love me till my heart stops:

love me till I'm dead

Eyes that light up, eyes look through you

Cover up the blank spots

Hit me on the head

Bears and Pipes Don't Live Here

20.10.10

Went to yet another satellite village aujourdhui and was greeted by a woman who asked me for my bike, a man who came from his house just to saluer me, a handful of curious children with penetrating eyes and a cheif who was more than happy when I spoke his language.

The bike ride (just 6 or 7 km) was really lovely and surprisingly the route was not as treacherous as most of the others. By the time we were about done saying hello to everyone and the cheif, a gargantuan storm was brewing to the south(?) of us. We left to beat the rain home and I thought we were going to get caught in the downpour. Instead we were blasted with strong winds and dark haunting clouds hovered over us all the way back to village. When we got back we went to the CSPS and I ended up helping Agathe break kernels off the cob of dried corn. You do this with your thumbs, grasping the cob and pushing the kernels off sideways into your palm and then into the bowl. It seem simple - but it tore my thumb apart! I have a giant blister on my right hand thumb now. Great. It doesn't hurt, but it sure is big.

The rest of the day i went back home and fixed lunch: sautéed sweet potatoes with olive oil, garlic, lemon pepper and a side of lipton's cup-o-soup (chicken noodle). I thought this was appropriate due to the fact that it was actually...wait for it... chilly outside. It was probably no more than 80 degrees... So it has been extremely lovely outside today. I would dare to say cold, which would be correct in comparison to how it has been lately, but I'll stick with cool or even chilly. It was so refreshing to be able to sit in my house and not break a sweat. Actually I can confidently say I didn't sweat at all today! Even while riding my bike. That's unheard of. So - back to lunch, along with this nice potato and soup combo, I decided to add some "hot chocolate" which consists of powdered milk mixed in with filtered water: heat that up, add powdered chocolate mix (not at all like Nesquik) and a dash of cinnamon! It was delish.

Now I'm sitting at Agathe's house (really the pharmacy at the CSPS). She's making a call under the "rezou" tree and I will confess my feet are a wee bit cold. I can't believe it. Not sure if I'm gonna eat dinner with Agathe - but it seems every time she invites me over to chat at night (à ce soir?) she doesn't let me leave without having food in my belly. I swear - they are determined to have me leave this country FAT! I won't let that happen. But they always say I'm too small and need to get big!

Macaroni for dinner?

Dengui. Douweeah. Deheytoi.

18 Octobre 2010

I think I'm getting better at the everyday things here in my village! Finally. Greeting people, pumping my own water, cleaning my house, and just being here. I am definitely achieving objectives 2 & 3 right now. I just need to work on number 1. That requires a better understanding of the language though. And I am still doing a trial run with my tutor who is also the pharmacist at the CSPS.

I really enjoy her company. She's probably my only friend right now. She said it would be better if my house was across the way from the pharmacy (her house): that way we could spend all our time together: cooking dinner, chatting, eating dinner, working, washing clothes together, etc. She says my house is too far away.

That all made me really happy to hear. Really - our houses are just about the same distance, maybe closer, as my house in Huffman from Elyse's house - just down the street and to the right a wee bit. Really close.

Oh gosh - Hot season is gonna blow! It's just about the mini hot season now with the rain going away and I sweat constantly in my house and when the sun is blaring it's strong arms upon my body. Agathe said that the cold will come maybe at the end of November through the end of January or middle of February. The rain ends with the closing of this month. Bagh

From Paris to Tokyo

Standing on one foot with you're eyes on the track,

you're living life through a picture frame.

Stand up straight love, you're a balancing act,

but it's not enough to save your name.

Your hands are tied with this life you wish to live.

My eyes are blind to love you cannot give.

You can't fly with broken wings,

and I can't lie for the things I need.

Even though you shine with the light that's leading me,

I'll search for the dark to keep me company.

That's all I need.

One day you'll live in France

and spend your summers in Japan.

But you'll think of me at 30,000 feet

through a seven hour lifespan.

You are, you are married to your changing ways.

You are, you are the words I need to say

You're a rebellious bird no one can tame.

When I find my voice I'll say your name.

I'll say your name.

Into The Airwaves

From an empty room on the first floor as the cars pass by the liquor store,

I deconstruct my thoughts at this piano.

And it's all that I can do to stay with all the things I didn't say to you

before you moved across the country.

From the burning building where I lay as I watch the starts become the day,

the LA girls are lacing up their sneakers.

They run the boardwalks and the beach.

This fishbowl life is all they need - it's everything I needed too until I heard the news.

I'll send this message through the speakers.

You told me that you moved.

I'll cross this country on a frequency.

I am slipping through, I am slipping through, I am slipping into the airwaves.

This is nothing new. You are slipping through my fingers and into the airwaves.

The static's where you'll find me.

From the corner by the studio the gold-soaked afternoon comes slow.

I deconstruct my thoughts and I am walking by.

On the 3rd street the freak show thrives: Santa Monica's alive -

but something's not right inside living with the news.

So hang on, it's gonna be a hard day.

So hang on.

Don't panic, don't panic there's simply is no need.

it's gonna be a hard day.

We are hanging here.

"I Want to be the Edge of Your Imagination"

16 Octobre 2010

My oh my how the days grow long when you're alone.
I do wish I had people to talk to

"I'm fighting for love me, lust me, trust me; I'm fighting for air"

cat, I'm a kitty cat?